Tips It Over, Let It Run Out

I kept wondering how much more could I take, so much drama going on. Was I strong enough is all that filled my thoughts. Could I hold this family up until whenever. I kept my head down for so long, just doing what was needed, now I get to look up and see the sun rise.

I was very skeptical to call my writing, a “career”. I just thought it was a way for me to let go and it let it all out and if someone else was going through it, they could relate and I could still help someone. But it’s transformed into something else, a life of it’s own and I’m just holding on for the ride. I have made so many new friends it’s ridiculous. The whole writing community just wants to help other writers succeed. It’s a beautiful thing to be apart of.

Well, there I was wondering, wondering, wondering, how much could I take before I broke and then I got a text that made my weights feel like pillows. That text showed me that I mattered. I can’t wait to say what the text was about! It’ll be revealed soon, I’m over the moon excited about this!

 

I’ll be back soon,

Phebadeba

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What Am I Doing?

I really need patience. As soon as the book was ready I released it.  I’ve sold under 10 copies in less than a week but I have no direct plan of action. I just felt so overwhelmed like I had to release and now that that pressure is off, the pressure to sale has taken its place.

I’ve been reading different articles and talking to other authors, from this I get temporary relief. But I can’t help but feel like everyone is better than me.

I wrote a story I wanted to read. One that my kids could read. I wrote a story from my heart. I did my best…hope it was enough

You’re Invited

Thanks for joining me! Can you see me there, in the distance. That’s me dancing on the waves under the sun. You see I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment.  The moment where I can exhale and say, “look at what I have accomplished”. It may not be great, not even much to anyone other than myself but I did it, I completed a major task. No matter how daunting it became, no matter how tired I was, I suffered through and this is the outcome. My first novel is just weeks away from being launched.

Perhaps you’ve felt like this too, like you couldn’t do something and suddenly it was nearly done. Or maybe you want to feel like you can accomplish something because you’re tired of giving up. I know how it feels now on both ends. You’re more than welcome to join me as I discover what it feels like to accomplish something I’ve dreamnt about as a child but always never felt good enough to try with all my heart. I never thought my words were good enough, or my concept creative enough. There was always someone else brighter, or smarter, smoother and more shocking. I was, ugh, obvious. So I gave up on myself more times than I fought for what I wanted from myself.

I don’t know why this was different, but I knew I wasn’t gonna stop until I finished this book, I was not going to quit or put it on the back burner, then the fridge, then the deep freezer, then the garbage as I had so many times before. This one thing I was gonna see until the end.

SO, check me out, as they say in Ghana, “You’re Invited” even if you weren’t, you are when they see you. I love the way Ghana makes me feel, even though I wasn’t born there it always felt like home.

I’m a brown girl from Newark, NJ who moved to Ghana at 18 and stayed there for 13 years. I recently relocated back to NJ and it has been more of a cultural shock coming back to America is 2015 than it was arriving in Ghana in 2002. But I’m here and I’m glad to be here, Elizabeth birthed me but Brick City made me. I love to cook, I have two daughters, a son and a husband(he’s a baby too). They are my life, my inspiration, my headaches, my strength, my pain and my joy.  I’ll try not to talk about them too much but I may fail before I succeed. If you see me slipping up just hit me upside my head, remind me I said I would keep it to a minimum and I will oblige.

It feels so good to write my thoughts down. I wonder who will see it first. I wonder if this resonates with anyone.

You know, I had a dream, a vision for myself and my family. That dream now is no more. What is going to happen next? I guess we’ll all find out together! In any case, you’re invited!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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